A Travellerspoint blog

Leaving New Zealand

rain 14 °C

I can’t believe I am actually doing this. Something that was merely a dream for so long is no longer a dream – it’s my reality. All of those Spanish classes, all of my nights spent at home, saving, while my friends go out to party, all those extra hours working in multiple jobs, have brought me to this very moment. People have continuously asked me if I am excited or nervous. Usually when I travel, I count down the days, unable to eat or sleep with anticipation and excitement. As many people know, I have been very excited for a very long time about finally making this big move. However, this time I never counted the days, instead I tried to make each of my last days in New Zealand count.
Over the last two weeks, my excitement disappeared and I begun to feel almost nothing. Not scared, or anxious, excited, or crazily elated. I have felt as if I am just doing the next step in my life, almost as if I was just driving to work or going out for dinner. Usually when I follow one of my crazy ideas, I have my heart in my ear (or punching me in the chest) telling me how what I am doing is wrong – the younger Katy would then do it anyway just to get the adrenaline kick. But right now, there is nothing more than a sense of calmness and a lovely feeling of happiness. I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have such amazing people in New Zealand who love me, support me, and care for me. Over the last 4 weeks, I have been spoiled with dinners/lunches/drinks (ohhhh there have been many drinks!) with all of my favourite people.



There is a part of me that does enjoy trying to pull me down, and I suppose it is natural too when making such a huge life change. That part of me, small as it is, feels absolutely terrified. This part of me is scared I will chase my dream, follow my heart to South America, to realise that I need to be in New Zealand, with my friends and family, in order to be happy. I am nervous that I won’t find people like the people I have at home, that I will be too crazy for South America. I am worry that I don’t speak enough Spanish so I won’t make friends because I can’t tell my stories properly or keep up with the conversation enough to make quick jokes that make people laugh. I’m anxious at the idea of living without a goal, I have become such a goal orientated person that I don’t know what I will be like without having one - when my life exists only in the moment, backpack on, and no direction home. But I suppose we travel for the unknown and this would not be an adventure if I knew how it was going to unfold. I have to be brave, I need to trust my own heart, and I will take with me the love and support of the amazing people who are forever in my thoughts. I will do my best to face this new life adventure head first, and know that my home is always there if I ever need it x

Posted by chasingsummer 20:55 Archived in New Zealand

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